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Thoughts before a recital
Jan. 18th, 2007 08:42 pmTonight pantsie and I had our last real rehearsal before the concert on Saturday. We sounded good, and each piece felt comfortable and solid. The programs are printed, my dress is back from the dry cleaners, and I dug my dress shoes out of the closet. I feel ready.
Today I realized two important things. The first is that I don't feel much anxiety or dread over this performance. Sure, I'm a little nervous, but only in a normal way, not in a "what the hell am I doing" way. Overall, I'm very happy to be doing this, and very excited about it, too. It feels like the exact right thing to be doing. I truly feel like a professional musician. The lack of anxiety mainly stems from the fact that making music is what I do and who I am. There's no need to be terribly nervous over that. The second is that in my Statement of Purpose for grad school, one of the strongest sentences says that my goal as a composer is to write memorable music and get it performed. Well, I've done that. Pantsie and I made this happen ourselves, out of our own desire to do so. Not because of an academic requirement, but simply because we wanted to do it and believed that we could and should do it.
Today I realized two important things. The first is that I don't feel much anxiety or dread over this performance. Sure, I'm a little nervous, but only in a normal way, not in a "what the hell am I doing" way. Overall, I'm very happy to be doing this, and very excited about it, too. It feels like the exact right thing to be doing. I truly feel like a professional musician. The lack of anxiety mainly stems from the fact that making music is what I do and who I am. There's no need to be terribly nervous over that. The second is that in my Statement of Purpose for grad school, one of the strongest sentences says that my goal as a composer is to write memorable music and get it performed. Well, I've done that. Pantsie and I made this happen ourselves, out of our own desire to do so. Not because of an academic requirement, but simply because we wanted to do it and believed that we could and should do it.
