Last One, I promise

[kenjari]

So I had to write yet another essay for the University of Oregon, this time for their scholarship application. If anyone would like to offer commentary, it would be most welcome.

Here's the assignment:
Here's the "assignment":
Critically evaluate one important aspect of your educational experience
to date. Among your options are a book, a course, and individual, or a
significant experience that has influenced you in a meaningful way.
Write a one page essay.

Here's the essay:
During my final year at Boston Conservatory, I took two semesters of Advanced Solfege and Score Reading, taught by my composition teacher, Dr. Larry Bell. The class encompassed ear training, sight singing, and sight reading scores at the piano. It also covered reading the soprano, alto, and tenor clefs as well as transposing at sight. This course posed a unique challenge. The material was not easy for me and the skills it taught were not my strongest. They were the things I often struggled with and required a lot of practice to master. I also lacked a conservatory-style comprehensive background in solfege and ear training. Advanced Solfege and Score Reading turned out to be the most difficult class of my academic career. Meeting these challenges was an extremely meaningful and useful educational experience.
Because of the challenges it presented to me, Advanced Solfege and Score Reading crystallized two realizations about education that I’d been coming to over the previous three years. First, developing learning skills is an important part of an education, and is as valuable as learning the skills themselves. Acquiring effective approaches and techniques allows for continued mastery and growth outside of the classroom, and provides the abilities and perspective necessary for teaching the skill to others. Second, grades are only measures of performance. They cannot always or accurately reflect new understandings or inner changes. They do not measure the process of acquiring learning skills. Because of the tools and insights I gained, I learned even more from Advanced Solfege and Score Reading than a grade alone can indicate.
Because of everything I learned in Advanced Solfege and Score Reading, I have been able to further perfect my aural skills independently. In addition, the course gave me new insights into how aural skills are learned, their usefulness in composition, and their significance in musicianship.

Many thanks.

Comments

[epilimnion.livejournal.com]

cut out things in brackets, add things in caps. Watch out for overuse of "Because of" to begin sentences, especially in the end. Otherwise, it's very strong and positive. You definitely got that "It was difficult but I triumphed" tone, and it's a very focused essay.

During my final year at Boston Conservatory, I took two semesters of Advanced Solfege and Score Reading, taught by my composition teacher, Dr. Larry Bell. The class encompassed ear training, sight singing, and sight reading scores at the piano. It also covered reading the soprano, alto, and tenor clefs as well as transposing at sight. This course posed a unique challenge. The material was not easy for me and the skills it taught were not my strongest. They were the things I [often struggled with and] required a lot of practice to master. I also lacked a conservatory-style comprehensive background in solfege and ear training. Advanced Solfege and Score Reading turned out to be the most difficult class of my academic career. Meeting these challenges was an extremely meaningful and useful educational experience.
Because of the challenges it presented to me, Advanced Solfege and Score Reading crystallized two realizations about education [that I’d been coming to over the previous three years]. First, developing learning skills is an important part of an education, and is as valuable as learning the skills themselves. Acquiring effective approaches and techniques allows for continued mastery and growth outside of the classroom, and provides the abilities and perspective necessary for teaching the skill to others. Second, grades are only measures of performance. They cannot always or accurately reflect new understandings or inner changes. They do not measure the process of acquiring learning skills. Because of the tools and insights I gained, I learned even more from Advanced Solfege and Score Reading than a grade alone can indicate.
Because of everything I learned in Advanced Solfege and Score Reading, I have been able to further perfect my aural skills independently. In addition, the course gave me new insights into how aural skills are learned, their usefulness in composition, and their significance in musicianship.