Book Review
Sep. 9th, 2012 03:51 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kenjariThe Gift of Fear
by Gavin de Becker
I finally got around to reading this because it is on reserve and thus shelved directly behind me in one of the libraries where I work. One of my shifts has a tendency to be very slow and this book reads fairly quickly.
Overall, I liked The Gift of Fear very much. de Becker does a great job of explaining how our own existing intuitions and subconscious ability to assess danger and risk can help us predict when a person means to harm us. I really liked the way he champions gut feelings and urges us to pay attention to them instead of obeying our cultural conditioning to brush them off or subject them to a more "rational" evaluation.
I also especially appreciated the way de Becker is completely blunt and matter-of-fact about the ways this cultural conditioning operates for women. He clearly points out that women are socialized to be nice, polite, and accommodating at all times, and acknowledges the ways in which this conditioning inhibits women from acting on the signals their brain and body are giving them. de Becker is adamant about giving women and having women give themselves the permission to prioritize their own safety over the egos and feelings of others. I also love the way he reminds decent men not to get indignant if a woman is not willing to give them time or attention.
I only wish he had been more explicit about not putting blame on victims for ignoring or missing the signals. I truly do not think he intends to engage in victim-blaming, but, sadly, in our culture, particularly when it comes to violence against women, without a straightforward statement to the contrary, it's too easy for some of his material to come across that way.
Nonetheless, I found de Becker's advice and explanations very helpful and illuminating. Despite the book's title, it is actually quite reassuring and a good bulwark against unnecessary and constant fear and in favor of trusting your own ability to sense and assess dangers and risks from other people.
by Gavin de Becker
I finally got around to reading this because it is on reserve and thus shelved directly behind me in one of the libraries where I work. One of my shifts has a tendency to be very slow and this book reads fairly quickly.
Overall, I liked The Gift of Fear very much. de Becker does a great job of explaining how our own existing intuitions and subconscious ability to assess danger and risk can help us predict when a person means to harm us. I really liked the way he champions gut feelings and urges us to pay attention to them instead of obeying our cultural conditioning to brush them off or subject them to a more "rational" evaluation.
I also especially appreciated the way de Becker is completely blunt and matter-of-fact about the ways this cultural conditioning operates for women. He clearly points out that women are socialized to be nice, polite, and accommodating at all times, and acknowledges the ways in which this conditioning inhibits women from acting on the signals their brain and body are giving them. de Becker is adamant about giving women and having women give themselves the permission to prioritize their own safety over the egos and feelings of others. I also love the way he reminds decent men not to get indignant if a woman is not willing to give them time or attention.
I only wish he had been more explicit about not putting blame on victims for ignoring or missing the signals. I truly do not think he intends to engage in victim-blaming, but, sadly, in our culture, particularly when it comes to violence against women, without a straightforward statement to the contrary, it's too easy for some of his material to come across that way.
Nonetheless, I found de Becker's advice and explanations very helpful and illuminating. Despite the book's title, it is actually quite reassuring and a good bulwark against unnecessary and constant fear and in favor of trusting your own ability to sense and assess dangers and risks from other people.
